You might be a Taliban if....

• ..You refine heroin for a living but have a moral objection to beer.


• ...You own a $300 assault rifle and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.


• ...You have more wives than teeth.


• ...You think vests only come in two styles: Bullet-Proof and Suicide.


• ...You've used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush, Sr. to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush, Jr.


• ...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.


• ...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry live ammunition in your robe.


• ...You've ever been asked, "Does this burka make my ass look fat?"


• ...You believe the Quran is the divine word of Allah, worth dying for, but yet you don't know how to read.


• ...You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.


• ...You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."


• ...You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon to be "unclean."


• ...You've ever said, "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" and you don't even smoke.